The power of the internet

Hello world!

As much as I may try and fool myself into believing that I am not addicted to the internet, I think I actually am. The worst is, I don’t always use it in useful or intelligent ways, but it keeps me busy when I’m bored, which happens quite often during exams. I know perfectly well that I should be studying, and instead I’m surfing ICHC or CuteOverload or some similar junk. But it makes me smile.

Admittedly, it’s a good thing I didn’t have the net this weekend: I studied pretty damn hard for my International law exam of today. Which I’m going to have to pass on Thursday. That is the magic of the Italian system. And I have sociology to go through again on Wednesday, urgh…

Whatever is, internet is a fabulous tool for communication and research, but it’s also a huge waste of time and energy in some cases. I just wish I was capable of using it right, 100% of the time.

MSN – “I don’t want to talk”

MSN. An interesting technological advance in interpersonal communications… And probably one of the most popular methods of breaking up for cowards before the invention of Facebook.

But basically, its use is for communication, we all agree on that, right? So can someone please explain to me who connects to MSN (without having it permanently connected like some people, aka I, do) when they’re NOT in the mood to communicate?? I mean, what’s the point? People are bound to come and talk to you when you connect, and having to tell them all to fuck off is almost certainly more bothersome than just not connecting in the first place. I simply don’t understand…

Why? Why were you so nice to then become so offhand-ish?

“Those who want me take me the way I am” you say. Well that’s easy when you’re nice to them. But what about the people whom you are far from nice to? What about them? Do you expect them all to just wait around for you? I’m not one of them. I’m done. I’m fucking done.

I don’t want to talk either, now. And the fact that you have a killer body isn’t going to change that, it’s just gonna make me bite my knuckles a little harder.

“Trombare in piedi”

thedrifter says (8:30 PM):
dicevo
se tutto va bene potrei anche “trombarti lì su due piedi”
capito adesso
e poi
ho aggiunto
scherzo

Ma che ‘azz c’entrava col discorso, questo??? Se va bene il making-of del photoshoot mi tromba li? E poi e’ detto come se mi stesse facendo un favore, ma figurati!! Non gli ho chiesto io se mi dava il “bacio della buona notte”, quelle erano parole sue. Potra’ dire che era l’effetto delle canne, dell’alcol, di qualsiasi cosa, ma e’ comunque stato lui a dirlo.

E poi T che ci faceva a dirmi che secondo Simona io e A staremmo bene insieme? “Anche solo per due scopate”. Neanche quello c’entrava niente con “cosa facciamo da mangiare oggi?” o “chi lava i piatti?”. Che si facciano affari loro, io sto bene cosi’ e non ho bisogno di uno che deve mettersi 2 tampax nel naso ogni volta che vede una bella ragazza.

Lasciatemi almeno una delle mie amicizie maschili, ekkekkazzo!!!

Single…

….and single. As in a single person. Not a couple or a group. One unit.

I went out for a walk yesterday during the few weekly hours of sun we’ve been getting in the past month of rain, and it depressed me. Everywhere I looked, all I saw were couples holding hands, kissing… and groups; lying around, walking, shopping, having water fights in Piazza Castello. Doing stuff that people do when they are in a group.

Does no one go out of the house alone anymore? Am I the only freak who still enjoys solitude? Or should I say enjoyed… Seeing all those throngs of people made me feel “roooonerryyyy” (Kim Jong Il parody, Sophie gets me). And nauseated. I don’t know why the latter, but I had this sick feeling creeping up my stomach.

So it got me thinking. I know “they” say that the human being is a social animal, and that no man is an island and all those other sayings you can think of, but why can’t a human being just take a walk alone? I mean, sure, we need others for socialization and to learn the basic rules of survival and decency (Did you know that, technically speaking, Man is the only animal born without instincts? We have no in-built knowledge, no real survival instinct. That’s all the product of socialization.), but do we need them in every single moment of our conscious lives?

I grew up a pretty lonesome kid. Partly because I was an only child with a working mother and a bear of a father, and partly because I liked it that way. I had my books, my music, my computer and whatnot to keep me occupied. I didn’t need other people. Sure, there’s a pretty cool invention that goes by the name MSN that keeps people in contact even though they may be on different continents, but I was a lonesome kid even before the internet era. I guess I have my lonely-gene to thank for being pretty well-read. [Although it seems that, in French schooling, if you haven't read certain "classics", it's like you've never read a book in your life. I don't enjoy most of the "classics"... Anyway, that's another vent of mine.]

Back to the subject: did me being a lonesome kid make me a freak? Then and today? The fact that I’m the only one left at the apartment tonight might indicate that the correct answer to this question of mine is indeed “yes”, but… I don’t know. Sure, I don’t feel the need to be with people 24/7 and am actually quite happy being on my own from time to time. And sure, I also feel the need to be with others from time to time, like last night when I went to see “Camorra” with D, but I feel I’ve grown up to be an awfully “normal” 20-year-old when it comes to… wait. No. I’ve always had messed up relationships with people. Friends that are few and far between, usually literally so (Africa? America? Australia?A’s?). Boyfriends that… well, let’s not even go there.

My relationships with people have often been conflictive, but is that due to my socialization (or lack, thereof), or simply to who I am? Am I alone tonight because I had no friends in primary school, or would I have been alone even if I had been the primary-school courtyard star?

An ocean of tears

I’ve often heard the expression “to cry an ocean of tears”, and when I stumbled upon this image, I found it fit perfectly.

“Lacrimoni”. Che parola adatta. Piangere un oceano di lacrime, si dice anche in italiano? Non lo so… e ora ho “perso” uno dei miei simpatici professori di lingua italiana. Tanto, i suoi occhi non sorvoleranno probabilmente mai questa pagina, e non credo abbia poi tanta importanza…

Un ocean de larmes. Il me semble avoir entendu l’expression, mais ce n’est peut etre que moi qui me la suis inventee. Ou en tout cas, qui me suis inventee son existence. Quoi qu’il en soit, c’est un ocean dans lequel je n’ai que trop nage et avec lequel j’espere ne pas me familiariser plus que ca. Ou au moins pas trop rapidement. Tout d’un coup. C’est toujours ca le pire, les larmes qui arrivent quand on s’y attend le moins, ou au moment le plus inopportun…

Unfortunately, I don’t know who the artist is, so if someone out there can tell me I’ll insert the due credit (and if you’re the artist and somehow see this and want me to take it down, just contact me and I will).

The 3-week rule

I have this theory about how long single (well… mostly) guys can handle “seeing someone”.

3 weeks.

That’s what it takes for them to bolt like they’re being chased by a hungry cheetah or something. And bolt they do! It’s like they were never there. All they leave behind is a cloud of dust [think of Speedy Gonzales rushing off into the sunset or the Road Runner speeding away from yet another one of Wile E. Coyote's stupid traps to catch him] and broken egos. Nothing else.

And I do believe I can call this theory proven and tested. I am now on my 4th, yes, FOURTH guy bolting after just 3 weeks.

• The first took the occasion of me being back home during Christmas to “get jiggy with it” with some Turkish girl he’d never even heard of before. This was 3 weeks after we first had a “thing”.
• The second was always over at the apartment to see me for about 3 weeks, and then one Sunday morning he left, normal as ever. And that was the last time anyone ever saw him. Literally. Until we threw a party for his birthday about a month ago.
• The third only realized after the aforementioned 3 weeks that, maybe, after all, he wasn’t the kind of guy who cheats on his girlfriend. Once it was too late. How convenient.
• And finally, the fourth and last (so far), was very nice at first, not going to training to go to the movies with me and preferring to be with me than some of his friends at a party. We saw each other for about 2 or 3 weeks. And it has now been 3 weeks exactly (minus a few hours, but does it really matter at this point?) since we last saw each other.

What do you say to that? They say it takes 3 bodies to make a serial killer. Can 4 men not a theory make?

So. To any of you girls/ladies/women/whomever out there, beware!

Beware of the 3-week rule that will make a man bolt even if things are going fine, or better than that even, between you. It’s like the pull of the moon on the sea, the cycle of life or wrinkles. It’s universal. It’s inescapable. And it sucks. The 3-week rule I mean.

Fever

A horrible, annoying and displeasing collateral of being ill.

I woke up at 5am with a very sore throat, and woke up again at 11 with a cold. The fever only kicked in around 6pm, but boy did it come in, kicking and screaming…

I despise being ill. Especially if I can’t use it to skip classes and not have a guilty conscience after. Why is it that I always seem to get sick on Friday afternoons/during the weekend/on bank holidays like today? Why do I never get sick during the week? My theory is that all week I’m exposed to other people’s germs, and they pile up until Friday and then my body gives up, gets sick, and won’t let me enjoy the weekend. It’s all a huge cosmic joke for me to have even less of a social life than I already do. I shake my fist at the universe!

And that’s it for today, I’m getting very dizzy and I don’t like having the computer nearby. I wouldn’t want to accidentally kill my beloved if something were to happen!